When you get pregnant you automatically get mom guilt installed so that any time you feel like you are failing your kid(s) the mom guilt kicks in. When you are a single mom, the mom guilt ramps up because you’ve now either put your kids through the pain of a divorce or the pain of not having the same relationship with the other parent they had or whatever.

Then throw in being the primary parent and being chronically sick. The guilt ramps up to limits that only spy planes can see. Because see, I can’t do all the things that my SAHM friends can do for their kids. My kids don’t get the Hawaii or Disneyland vacations because I don’t have the stamina or the funds. My kids don’t have the helicopter mom who fusses over their every move because I just can’t.  They’re lucky they have a couple of unwrapped presents from Amazon for their birthday and maybe some sort of birthday treat.

And in some ways, maybe that’s good. They are growing up a little more independent than other kids would be because they have to do a few more things for themselves than other kids would have to do. But they also watch too much tv and that’s not ok. And they bicker and fight more than I would like and that’s not ok.  But it also means my mom guilt has reached all time highs. Atmospheric.  I wish I’d had a crystal ball 20 years ago so I could have planned my life better.